The more expert a woman is in allowing herself to be an auspicious source of energy to a man, the more she can control him indirectly. Krishna Himself explains this in the Srimad-Bhagavatam (9.4.66):
"As chaste women bring their gentle husbands under control by service, the pure devotees, who are equal to everyone and completely attached to Me in the core of the heart, bring Me under their full control."
This is the power of a woman: Through her submissive and selfless service, she can conquer a man’s heart and ultimately control him. Sometimes we hear good advice in grihastha seminars: For the first ten years, the wife says, “Yes Prabhu, yes Pati, …” And then, for the rest of their life, the husband will say, “Yes my dear Devi, yes Devi …” But it might take ten years or even longer, depending on how expert we women are.
It is noteworthy that the above verse refers to 'gentle' husbands. In other words, if a man lacks Vaishnava qualities and is oppressive or has a tendency to violent behaviour, he may misuse a woman’s submission and manifest an abusive or cold-hearted response. Such situations require special attention – sometimes even from a professional therapist.
Once a wife has learnt to tie her husband’s heart up with the ropes of her affection and devoted service, he will feel inspired to give her emotional attention and affectionately care for her in all respects – he will feel so obliged to her that he will simply want to please and satisfy her. This is explained in the verse and purport to 6.18.28:
"O King, Diti always carried out Kasyapa’s orders very faithfully, as he desired. With service, love, humility and control, with words spoken very sweetly to satisfy her husband, and with smiles and glances at him, Diti attracted his mind and brought it under her control."
Srila Prabhupada elaborates in his commentary: "When a woman wants to endear herself to her husband and make him very faithful, she must try to please him in all respects. When the husband is pleased with his wife, the wife can receive all necessities, ornaments and full satisfaction for her senses."
These loving exchanges of the wife offering selfless service and the husband reciprocating by endeavouring to please her in return will bring a marital relationship closer to real love. After all, to love means to serve – selflessly. The more we can develop and let each other experience a mood of selfless service, the more we will invite romantic exchanges of love into our marital relationship.
Nowadays, we women don’t want to pay the price of conquering our husband’s heart through selfless service. We are not trained and educated in these subtle secrets of bringing the feminine shakti into play. On the contrary, we like to make demands by nagging, whining and complaining – something which is highly irritating to men and does not inspire them in the slightest to fulfill our desires and needs.
The same principle we find it its perfection with Srimati Radharani conquering Krishna’s heart and ultimately bringing Him under Her control. We have to learn this tactic from Her – She is expert at it. She doesn’t demand or complain – She does not dominate Krishna by telling Him what to do and what not to. She simply serves Him in full self-sacrifice, conquering the heart of the supreme controller. No yogi has the power to do so – only Srimati Radharani has, along with pure devotees of the Lord.
On the 28th of June I traveled on to Boise...
Your servant, Devaki dd