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Intimacy is based on respect

10/11/2019

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This was my second visit to Bhaktivedanta Manor, and I had a wonderful time - one of the highlights of my humble preaching efforts during this year! The devotees eagerly received me, and already two months before my visit they had lined up a wonderful variety of programs, which were well announced and promoted. I was busy with an outreach program for newcomers, a SB class, the Sunday feast lecture, house programs, a session with the brahmacaris, a session with the bhaktins as part of their training, a program with the mentors, and a program with the brahmacarinis and bhaktins. The most effective programs were during the SB slot on Sat and Sun, where I was invited to introduce my two books. Those programs always have the best attendance being on the weekend, with many more devotees watching over Mayapur TV.
Devotees were eager to associate and came for private talks, and I was invited to peoples' homes for lunch. With great joy in my heart I established many new relationships, and devotees genuinely requested me to visit again soon and stay longer. During my visit I distributed more than 200 copies of my two books, and both books are used now as handbooks for brahmacari- and brahmacarini training - a very encouraging reciprocation with my humble preaching efforts.
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I consider it to be Srila Prabhupada's special mercy to be allowed to serve  the devotees in such a prominent project which has so many senior devotees and is so dear and important to Srila Prabhupada.
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A culture of respect forms the very foundation to spiritual practice. In our daily lives, any truly intimate relationship has to be based on deep respect. If this foundation is not there, intimacy may invite over-familiarity which spoils any relationship. Over-familiarity means that we treat each other cheaply and take each other for granted. Thus, disrespect will infiltrate, and we may use each other for our own gratification. In the purport to the Srimad-Bhagavatam (3.23.2), it is stated:
“These are two important processes in serving the husband or the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Visrambhena means ‘with intimacy’, and gauravena means ‘with great reverence’”.
Not only do we find these two aspects in the husband/wife relationship and with the Supreme Lord, but in any close relationship of intimacy and confidentiality.
In modern day life we consider respect to be formality and impersonalism, and we try to artificially create intimacy in a cheap way by discarding respect. We don’t want to pay the price for true intimacy, which is service in humility while honoring the other.
And in return we simply create over-familiarity — taking each other lightly and using each other in subtle ways for our own gratification. Such tendencies also infiltrate our spiritual practice and dealings within our devotee communities. For example, at times we can observe how we are losing the tradition and etiquette of rising up from our seat when a senior person enters or passes by. Or, when meeting a devotee after a long time, we may not bother paying obeisances by going on our knees and lower our head to the ground, but we simply say with folded hands: “Oh, how nice to see you! Vancha kalpas!” Or we may speak about a sannyasi in a very casual way, referring to him by his name, without adding the title of Swami or Maharaja: “Did you hear — Kadamba Kanana is coming!” By doing so, we want to show off how we are a confidential associate and ‘buddies’ with such a highly elevated personality and enjoy an easy-going relationship with him. We use this person for our subtle sense gratification, showing off how close we are to him. Such behavior is becoming rather common and, sadly, demonstrates a very uncultured and disrespectful attitude.

We can observe a similar tendency when we show off and try to bring attention to ourselves by laughing loudly, behaving in a loose and frivolous way, or for us ladies dressing in an unchaste fashion. The root problem of such inappropriate behavior is, once again, disrespect. We use others to show off, either on a gross or subtle platform.
If we had genuine respect for others around us, we would not want to exploit them for our subtle gratification. Then, our respect manifests in our reserved behavior of not wanting to bring attention to ourselves and distract persons of the other gender from their attention towards Krishna.
We don’t want to disturb others’ minds. It is rather subtle yet factual and deep.

On the 11th of October I took a train to Nottingham.....

Your servant, Devaki dd
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