I have been in Mayapur for the last one month. Nevertheless, I want to share some thoughts about my visit to Hyderabad at the end of November.
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It was my first visit to this temple which Srila Prabhupada personally established. He came to Hyderabad every year from 1972 to 1976 and established with the assistance of his disciples and generous donors, a majestic temple in the center of the city and a farm project, New Narmisharanya, near Medchal, 40kms away. The fact that Srila Prabhupada came so many times to Hyderabad shows clearly how important this project was to him. Today it has become a big and dynamic community, with several extension centers in the further away suburbs.
The devotees arranged a number of programs at the main temple and also in several preaching centers, which were well attended by a good crowd of eager devotees and had a lively and dynamic mood, with my books flying out like hot cakes! I also enjoyed chanting japa in Srila Prabhupada's room, envisioning him looking down into the temple room from his little balcony, throwing flower petals at the enthusiastic devotees....
The devotees arranged a number of programs at the main temple and also in several preaching centers, which were well attended by a good crowd of eager devotees and had a lively and dynamic mood, with my books flying out like hot cakes! I also enjoyed chanting japa in Srila Prabhupada's room, envisioning him looking down into the temple room from his little balcony, throwing flower petals at the enthusiastic devotees....
One of the popular topics which the devotees requested me to speak on was how to please a husband and how to satisfy a wife.
Not only does a wife serve as the power of inspiration by dressing herself attractively and exhibiting her feminine features, but also serves through her fine speech and sweet words. This is expressed in the Srimad-Bhagavatam (6.18.28) in connection with Diti and Kasyapa Muni:
"O King, Diti always carried out Kasyapa’s orders very faithfully, as he desired. With service, love, humility and control, with words spoken very sweetly to satisfy her husband, and with smiles and glances at him, Diti attracted his mind and brought it under her control."
Srila Prabhupada oftentimes quotes Chanakya Pandita who says:
"A person who has no mother at home and whose wife does not speak sweetly should go to the forest. For such a person, living at home and living in the forest are equal."
This statement indicates that it is unacceptable for a wife to speak harsh and insulting words to her husband; or to correct, condemn, criticise or chastise him. It is a good reason for a husband to give up married life and go to the forest. Now, this does not mean that he gets divorced. No, he simply takes to renunciation.
Not only should a woman offer affectionate and pleasing words to her husband, but likewise to his friends and family members – brothers, sisters, and especially his parents. Traditionally, a wife would join the household of her husband’s family. As a rule, the relationship between a mother and her son is very close, and when he enters married life, oftentimes some jealousy and rivalry between his mother and his newly wedded wife may appear. Whatever service a young wife may offer – in the eyes of the mother-in-law, it may never be good enough for her beloved son! The mother-in-law may insistently teach and instruct her how to serve her son, and the daughter-in-law has to conduct herself meekly and respectfully, accepting the instructions given to her. This may be a humbling journey for a young wife who has to learn to tolerate her mother-in-law’s demands and orders without becoming irritated or ill-behaved. She has to practise controlling her speech – not to complain or criticise her parents-in-law in front of her husband. If she does so, it will naturally cause pain and hurt feelings in him, since he is attached to his own parents. In those parts of the world where the family bonds are still strong, we don’t only marry our spouse, but his entire family.
In the context of how a husband considers himself to be in a superior position because of his very constitution, when his wife criticises his parents, the wife offends not only the parents-in-law, but also him. Such misconduct will cause disharmony and tension within a family. On the other hand, a young husband may sometimes also have to defend his wife against his mother, if she is consistently treating his wife in an oppressive and unloving way. Mothers-in-law have the power to inflict havoc on a marriage and can bring it to the brink of divorce!
Nowadays, the culture and etiquette of a woman controlling her speech and not speaking insulting and harsh words is unheard of – it no longer exists. And if it is witnessed anywhere, it would be considered a weakness. In a culture where sense gratification is the topmost goal in life, the maxim for a woman is: ‘I will show off and attract attention. I will compete with men and women around me and fight my way through life, standing up for myself and defending my interests.’ There is not much room in a woman’s personality for qualities like femininity, gentleness and softness; these may not be the common virtues that women of today strive to develop.
Moreover, Vaishnava etiquette advises that a woman should not answer back and defend herself, especially when interacting with her husband and other superiors like her parents and parents-in-law, or with a senior devotee. Nor should one correct, chastise, instruct, or shout at a superior. In Vaishnava life, such actions are considered uncultured and downright offensive.
In this day and age, it is considered entirely normal for people to treat their parents in the above-mentioned way, or for a wife to engage in such verbal exchanges with her husband. In the name of equality, a woman considers her lowly response fully justified by thinking, ‘If my husband can chastise or correct me, then why shouldn’t I treat him the same way?’ The understanding of how a wife should treat and speak to her husband is almost lost and forgotten.
On the 29th of November I flew on to Indore.....
Your servant, Devaki dd
Please visit www.theholynameretreat.net
www.therootsofspiritualculture.net
https://www.facebook.com/instituteforspiritualculture/
Not only does a wife serve as the power of inspiration by dressing herself attractively and exhibiting her feminine features, but also serves through her fine speech and sweet words. This is expressed in the Srimad-Bhagavatam (6.18.28) in connection with Diti and Kasyapa Muni:
"O King, Diti always carried out Kasyapa’s orders very faithfully, as he desired. With service, love, humility and control, with words spoken very sweetly to satisfy her husband, and with smiles and glances at him, Diti attracted his mind and brought it under her control."
Srila Prabhupada oftentimes quotes Chanakya Pandita who says:
"A person who has no mother at home and whose wife does not speak sweetly should go to the forest. For such a person, living at home and living in the forest are equal."
This statement indicates that it is unacceptable for a wife to speak harsh and insulting words to her husband; or to correct, condemn, criticise or chastise him. It is a good reason for a husband to give up married life and go to the forest. Now, this does not mean that he gets divorced. No, he simply takes to renunciation.
Not only should a woman offer affectionate and pleasing words to her husband, but likewise to his friends and family members – brothers, sisters, and especially his parents. Traditionally, a wife would join the household of her husband’s family. As a rule, the relationship between a mother and her son is very close, and when he enters married life, oftentimes some jealousy and rivalry between his mother and his newly wedded wife may appear. Whatever service a young wife may offer – in the eyes of the mother-in-law, it may never be good enough for her beloved son! The mother-in-law may insistently teach and instruct her how to serve her son, and the daughter-in-law has to conduct herself meekly and respectfully, accepting the instructions given to her. This may be a humbling journey for a young wife who has to learn to tolerate her mother-in-law’s demands and orders without becoming irritated or ill-behaved. She has to practise controlling her speech – not to complain or criticise her parents-in-law in front of her husband. If she does so, it will naturally cause pain and hurt feelings in him, since he is attached to his own parents. In those parts of the world where the family bonds are still strong, we don’t only marry our spouse, but his entire family.
In the context of how a husband considers himself to be in a superior position because of his very constitution, when his wife criticises his parents, the wife offends not only the parents-in-law, but also him. Such misconduct will cause disharmony and tension within a family. On the other hand, a young husband may sometimes also have to defend his wife against his mother, if she is consistently treating his wife in an oppressive and unloving way. Mothers-in-law have the power to inflict havoc on a marriage and can bring it to the brink of divorce!
Nowadays, the culture and etiquette of a woman controlling her speech and not speaking insulting and harsh words is unheard of – it no longer exists. And if it is witnessed anywhere, it would be considered a weakness. In a culture where sense gratification is the topmost goal in life, the maxim for a woman is: ‘I will show off and attract attention. I will compete with men and women around me and fight my way through life, standing up for myself and defending my interests.’ There is not much room in a woman’s personality for qualities like femininity, gentleness and softness; these may not be the common virtues that women of today strive to develop.
Moreover, Vaishnava etiquette advises that a woman should not answer back and defend herself, especially when interacting with her husband and other superiors like her parents and parents-in-law, or with a senior devotee. Nor should one correct, chastise, instruct, or shout at a superior. In Vaishnava life, such actions are considered uncultured and downright offensive.
In this day and age, it is considered entirely normal for people to treat their parents in the above-mentioned way, or for a wife to engage in such verbal exchanges with her husband. In the name of equality, a woman considers her lowly response fully justified by thinking, ‘If my husband can chastise or correct me, then why shouldn’t I treat him the same way?’ The understanding of how a wife should treat and speak to her husband is almost lost and forgotten.
On the 29th of November I flew on to Indore.....
Your servant, Devaki dd
Please visit www.theholynameretreat.net
www.therootsofspiritualculture.net
https://www.facebook.com/instituteforspiritualculture/
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