Ready for the second shot....

In the early morning of the 2nd of June I made my way to Apollo Hospital for the second Chemo. I had a big bag of maha prasadam with me - more than one hundred pieces of Jagannath burfi packaged in small and bigger boxes. I also carried some of the beautiful 16-page brochures entitled "Prabhupada - The Messenger of God". Before going to the 'Day Care Ward' to take the Chemo I visited Ward 6 and offered a big box of burfis to the staff, together with some of those brochures. Needless to say, they were happily surprised about my visit. I also went to the cabinet of the surgeon who had inserted my Chemo Port, and I left a few brochures and boxes of burfis on his desk, with a little note instructing for whom they were: for his family, for the operating team, for the aneasthesiologist, etc. And of course Kavita Mataji at the reception also received a box, since she had always been making so many arrangements for me, and ordering my Uber car to drive me home after the treatment. The staff on the 'Day Care Ward' also happily accepted a big box of burfis, relishing them in their morning break at 10am. And Dr Vishwanath was also blessed with maha prasadam and some informations about our beloved Srila Prabhupada. In this way my big bag was quickly getting empty.....

On the Day Care Ward the cancer patients receive their Chemotherapy - most of them every three weeks. There are around 20 beds separated by a curtain, and each patient is taken care by one of the specialized nurses. Some patients keep the curtain open, and one can interact and communicate a little. Others rather want more privacy. I had to first get a blood test done in order to see whether the blood cells had recovered nicely. It took several hours to get the report - luckily I had my compter with me, so I could make some good use of the time.

Looking around I could sense that most of the patients were in their final stage of cancer - not much hope to recover. Some old men were very thin - like a skeleton, and looked terribly sick. How sad to see people spend the last phase of their life in such a way - clinging onto the hopes, that Chemotherapy will save their life. People live in such denial, not being able to confront themselves with the fact of approaching death. It is because of ignorance. Ignorance makes us bewildered and fearful. A human being is meant to leave this world in dignity, simply focussing on the Lord in devotion, and accepting the fact that death is approaching he lets go of all kinds of attachments and fears, putting himself into the Lord's hands. Unless doctors and patients have knowledge of the soul, our modern medical science becomes inhuman. I shared those thoughts with Dr Vishwanath, explaining: "I hope I will never leave in such a way - taking Chemo until my last breath.....! If you will find any further tumors in my body, I will just leave things up to Krsna and get ready to leave. I don't want to become cancer conscious and Chemo conscious! It is not how a human being is meant to leave this world." Even animals are leaving this world in more dignity. It was not so easy for Dr Vishwanath to relate to my views - he probably had heard such words for the very first time in his career as Oncologist. Once again I appreciated the gift of Krsna consciousness, which Srila Prabhupada has given us. And I wished I could share it with those patients around me.....

Just when I contemplated those thoughts, the lady next to me pulled aside the curtain separating our beds, and we looked at each other with big smiles. She did not speak English, but she had her grown-up son with her who was educated. He eagerly started asking me questions, seeing the tilak on my forehead. I told about my life as a preacher - they were Hindus and had heard of ISKCON. I gave them one of those nice brochures, which he happily accepted. His mother was only 47, and her cancer had already spread throughout her body. I started to explain to him what exactly happens at death, and how we are meant to prepare ourselves: by turning towards the Lord and deepening our relationship with Him. I held up my japa beads and exclaimed emphatically: "This is the medicine we have to take! Chant the holy name!" She was happily smiling and nodding in approval. "Don't be afraid - it is not so terrible! We have gone through this already so many times - we simply don't remember....We will move on to another existence, another body - that's all. A mysterious transformation." I could sense that some little relief had entered her heart.It was a sweet exchange - from soul to soul.....

The second Chemo was much easier for my body to handle than the first. Some weakness, and sick feeling was there during the first few days, but much less than after the first session. I kept a regular routine of daily activities, meals and sadhana, and found time to write. I had moved to Subhadra Mataji and her family - her husband, her 26-year old son and 17-year old daughter. She takes care of their home altar with Lord Jagannath, Baladev and Subhadra, and Gaur Nitai Deities, keeps the home neat and clean, and cooks nice prasadam for her family. Several times during the week she attends Bhakti Vrksha programs and study classes in devotees' homes, and thus keeps herself spiritually strong. She creates a nice mood and spiritual atmosphere in her home, which gives balance and stability to the entire family. The atmosphere is always peaceful - no arguments, no fights, no yelling or screaming. Her husband and son are not practicing Krsna consciousness so sincerely - in fact they are both trying to hide the fact descretely that they are smoking. But she does not become disturbed or agitated about it and simply tolerates the situation, performing her duties peacefully. She allows them to make their choice, without expecting and demanding a certain spiritual standard. In this way, there is peace, harmony and stability in the family, and everyone is performing their duties towards each other in mutual respect.
Her home is in walking distance to a nice ISKCON temple - Nrsimha Giridhari Mandir. Beautiful big Lord Nrsimhadev and Radha Giridhari with Gauranga are the Lords of the establishmenet, and there is also a nice Goshala. Some days I would go to the temple in the afternoon, take darshan, visit the cows to feed and cuddle them, and have nice exchanges with devotees. On the third weekend after the Chemo, when I had recovered most and was in best shape, I was invited to give the lecture at several house programs. The devotees kept me busy with two programs on Saturday and two on Sunday. So many nice devotees assembled, and we had a wonderful time together in loving exchanges. It was a great opportunity for me to meet devotees and connect more with everyone on a personal level, since I am planning to continue visiting here regularly in the future. And preaching is always the best medicine to withdraw the mind from mundane anxieties and focus on the real goal of life: to develop our relationship with Krsna....

In this way time was passing quickly until the 23rd of June, when I was scheduled for the third treatment.....

Your servant, Devaki dd