Already at my very first meeting with Dr Vishwanath the idea of conducting a preaching program at the Hospital had entered my mind. I had given him an outlook on a devotee's attitude to death, describing how the soul simply moves on to another existence, and it had been Dr Vishwanath who had asked in amazement whether I would be willing to speak to some doctors on this topic. And I had immediately taken up his suggestion and discussed the idea with Uttam Damodara Prabhu, who serves as one of the top managerial heads of all the Apollo Hospitals in Bangalore. And he was very happy to facilitate the program and make the necessary arrangements.
On the 2nd of July I had moved to a new home - to Apara Giridhari Mataji, her husband Aravindan with 15-year old son Aniruddha. They live in a spacious house in one of the upper class residential areas of Bangalore. Since they have such nice facilities, they often have the opportunity to host visiting preachers - HH Jaya Pataka Maharaja usually stays here with his whole entourage.
As a traveling preacher time passes much slower for me when traveling. The days are more eventful, visiting a different yatra every weekend. Staying at one place for such a long period of time - it's been two months now that I have been in Bangalore, and the days not being so terribly eventful, the time seems to fly. This is what it must be like when working at a regular job, and being situated in steady family duties. Before one even realizes, life has gone by. One of the main indicators for time passing by must be to see how the kids grow up, and all of a sudden are adults.
I am starting to look forward to the end of my exile here.....
I am starting to look forward to the end of my exile here.....
When I was going to the hospital on the 23rd of June to take my third Chemo I once again had a big bag of prasadam with me - this time carob cookies, packaged in smaller and bigger boxes. Everybody was delighted to receive the tasty surprise - the nurses on the Day Care Ward, Kavita Mataji at the reception, and the doctors. I also gave Dr Vishwanath a Deluxe edition of the Bhagavad Gita, and a Science of Self-Realization. He had asked me several times for it, and my answer had been with a smile: "First deserve, then desire." But now I felt he had deserved it. I showed him several verses: 2.13: "Dehino 'smin yatha dehe kaumaram yauvanam jara.....". Showing him the picture of changing bodies, I pointed to the old fellow by saying: "I am here now....", and pointing at the middle aged one: "and you are here.....", which made him chuckle. And verse 2.22: "As a person puts on new garments, giving up old ones, the soul similarly accepts new material bodies, giving up the old and useless ones", and finally verse 8.5.: "And whoever, at the end of his life, quits his body remembering Me alone at once attains My nature. Of this there is no doubt." He respectfully accepted the gift - whether he will find the time to read it is another question. But having one of Prabhupada's books in his house will be already of great spiritual benefit.
In the early morning of the 2nd of June I made my way to Apollo Hospital for the second Chemo. I had a big bag of maha prasadam with me - more than one hundred pieces of Jagannath burfi packaged in small and bigger boxes. I also carried some of the beautiful 16-page brochures entitled "Prabhupada - The Messenger of God". Before going to the 'Day Care Ward' to take the Chemo I visited Ward 6 and offered a big box of burfis to the staff, together with some of those brochures. Needless to say, they were happily surprised about my visit. I also went to the cabinet of the surgeon who had inserted my Chemo Port, and I left a few brochures and boxes of burfis on his desk, with a little note instructing for whom they were: for his family, for the operating team, for the aneasthesiologist, etc. And of course Kavita Mataji at the reception also received a box, since she had always been making so many arrangements for me, and ordering my Uber car to drive me home after the treatment. The staff on the 'Day Care Ward' also happily accepted a big box of burfis, relishing them in their morning break at 10am. And Dr Vishwanath was also blessed with maha prasadam and some informations about our beloved Srila Prabhupada. In this way my big bag was quickly getting empty.....
The first Chemotherapy was not so easy for my body to digest. It must have been a shock to my system to all of a sudden be confronted with such heavy toxins. I had to drink around 4 to 6 liters of water per day, and a lot of it was retained in the body and passed out during the night. Almost every hour I had to make my way to the bathroom, and I could feel my organs working very hard to fight with all those poisons, especially my heart pumping away strongly. Some nights it was difficult to sleep, because my body was in the fighting mode. During the first week I felt rather weak, and my blood pressure was very low - sometimes I felt close to fainting and looked indeed like a half dead cancer patient! I had to take a number of medicines to counteract the side effects and subdue the vomitting. I had to change my eating habits and take four to five small meals a day - some days it was difficult to eat anything at all. The dietician had told me that it was very important for me to take high quality foods and more protein, in order to give my body enough strength to deal with the situation. It seemed like Krsna had arranged the perfect place for me. In Bangalore everything was available: soya milk and tofu to give me more protein, nuts, sprouts, avocados and many nice fruits such as mangos, papayas and pineapple were in season now - even jackfruit! I took dhal and shak for lunch, and we could get some nice bread from the temple to make pizza toasts with olives and cheese to give me some appetite. In this way I survived the first week, and from then on it was getting easier from day to day.
The morning after my first meeting with Dr Vishwanath I was admitted on Ward Six for 36 hours - I had a single room, nice and clean. I had decided to get a Chemo Port - a valve implanted under the skin underneath the color bone, which allows the Chemo medicine to flow directly into the main veins leading to the heart. If the medicine is entering through smaller veins near the wrist, there is the risk of blocked veins, which easily allows the Chemo medicine to infiltrate the surrounding tissue, and this leads to bad infections and ulcers. Here in India I had seen ladies with big dark holes in their arms - the flesh being eaten away by the Chemo medicine. It looked rather scary, so I definately wanted to have a Chemo Port to be saved from such misery.....
I arrived in Bangalore on the 8th of May - just in time to join the Nrsimha Caturdasi Festival at the Sheshadripuram temple on the following day. I had canceled my participation for Nrsimha Caturdasi at Simhachalam/Germany, where big and peaceful Nrsimhadeva is residing. Festivals are always a little exhausting - a lot of transcendental excitement, giving a seminar, many devotees to speak to and only little sleep. I felt it would be too tiring for me, just before flying back to India to embark on Chemo.
On my return to Cologne on the 26th of April I started to make preparations to fly back to India to take the Chemo. And I finally got myself to cancel nine flights which I had booked for the next two months to visit various yatras in the world - something which I had put off, just in case some miracle would happen......! But now my mind was set on going back to India.
On my arrival in Cologne on the 19th of April the devotees happily received me, knowing that I had not come to offer a seminar, but to further recover from my surgery and to decide in which part of the world I would take further treatments.
I had what is called a "triple negative cancer tumor in stage one", which means that three hormone tests did not show any reactions, and the lymph nodes were not affected. Such triple-negative cells are known to be more aggressive than other cancer cells. Thus I was advised to do Chemotherapy - just like I had done ten years ago. I had not even contemplated the idea of rejecting this suggestion. I felt that it was Krsna advising me through the same agents as He had used in order to arrange the fact that the tumor was discovered in the first place. To reject this part of the treatment would almost feel to me like rejecting Krsna's helping hand, which He has so kindly extended towards me.
I had what is called a "triple negative cancer tumor in stage one", which means that three hormone tests did not show any reactions, and the lymph nodes were not affected. Such triple-negative cells are known to be more aggressive than other cancer cells. Thus I was advised to do Chemotherapy - just like I had done ten years ago. I had not even contemplated the idea of rejecting this suggestion. I felt that it was Krsna advising me through the same agents as He had used in order to arrange the fact that the tumor was discovered in the first place. To reject this part of the treatment would almost feel to me like rejecting Krsna's helping hand, which He has so kindly extended towards me.
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